A Year And A Day…

My husband and I got married for a year and a day.

After a year and a day, we decided we were ready to commit for another year and a day.

Why you ask?

It’s about making time to appreciate each other and our marriage, at least once a year.

Both of us have been married before, me for a long time, him for a short time. We both made a lot of mistakes in our previous relationships and came in to this one wanting to do better and to be better.

My first marriage was a fairly typical story. We met, we fell in love, we had some kids, we got really busy making money, we spent a lot of time being parents, we forgot to be partners and slowly our relationship died of malnourishment. Sure, there were factors that either of us could point to and blame, but the bottom line was – we took the marriage and each other for granted.

This time I did things differently. My husband and I connected as friends initially. I was terrified that if we entered into a romantic relationship, we would screw that up, that we would get lost in the minutiae of the everyday, that we would miss each other. I talked about those fears, and we made the decision to give it a go.

About two years in, we started niggling at each other, nothing major, just little narky moments of disconnecting or feeling resentful. He picked up on this and said ‘Hey, this is what you were talking about! We are getting fixed on doing dishes and cleaning the house, and forgetting about the important stuff.’ And he was right, and luckily we caught it early.

Making the decision to get married brought up those ideas again, so we decided to hand fast for a year and a day. It’s been over two years now and it has made a difference. After a rather flippant ‘You wanna do this for another year or what’, we did take some time to talk about our relationship. It felt good to take stock.

A few months later, we hit a rocky patch. I got mad, really mad… packing my stuff and leaving mad. Then I sat back and thought – I’ve committed to this relationship for a year and a day. If I still feel like this at the end of that time, I’ll leave then.

Of course, by the next day things were back on track and I am incredibly grateful that I had made that commitment. I would have missed out on so much love and joy if I had allowed a bad moment or two to destroy my marriage.

Till death us do part can seem like an awfully long time, especially when we are unhappy. Most of us can hang in there for a few months, and in that time, maybe we can rediscover the joy in our spouses and our relationships.

© Anita Inglis 2015

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